Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
