when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize