If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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