listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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