the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
