It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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