I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
