i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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