Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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