i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
