Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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