How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
