I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
