Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
