he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
