In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
