Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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