awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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