Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
