Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
