Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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