Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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