Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
