I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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