Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you still have your period?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
