I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
