I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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