Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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