the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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