I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
