I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize