I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
