if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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