Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
