Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
