I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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