I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
