cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
