I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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