Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
