Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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