if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i think my mom watched the whole time
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
