Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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