Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
