Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
