you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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