I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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