Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
