someone get that fucking seahorse.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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