Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
