I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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