when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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