Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
