I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
