Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
