my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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