Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
