so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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