god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
