addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
