I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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