So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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