So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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