Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
