Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Even my vagina gasped.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
