paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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