yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
