she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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