I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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