Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
