Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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