You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
