Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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