If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
