i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
