I think im going to throw up on grandma
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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