and my herpes radar will keep us safe
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
