You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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