i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
