this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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