we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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