I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize