So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
